Last week I went to an event at my university - I don't think it was supposed to be romantic but it was. There were elegant tables set up and free coffee, and beautiful LIVE jazz music and a jazzy singer. Of course couples began to dance and gaze lovingly into each others eyes and clasp hands. YUK! My roommate and I found a table mostly empty except for one beautiful boy and we asked if we could sit there.
This boy had cute nerdy classes and brown eyes and brown shaggy hair. He was thoroughly enjoying the music and I must say he was adorable. I text some of my friends who were also at the event and asked if they knew the boy at the table I was at and if he was single. They said he was and they told me his name. In between songs I casually introduced myself and asked about his major, job, social security number (just kidding), etc.
He's single. He's a Christian. He's cute. He's graduated from college already. He has a place to live and a steady job. He loves missions and has already been over seas for a semester. He communicated well. He likes jazz music and coffee. WINNER!
My mom called me so I excused myself for a moment and went out to a hallway. I got teary eyed as I explained to her how everyone was dancing together and how I was SINGLE. I calmed down and hung up and went back to my table.
And then the most amazing thing happened. That boy. He looked at me and said "Would you like to dance with me?"
And of course I did. It was awful and we were stepping all over each other's feet and running in to things and giggling. But I loved it! We danced the entire song and then sat back down.
And that was it. We were done. We sat another thirty minutes until it was time to leave and then I said "Thank you for dancing with me!" And that was it. Done. Over. Nothing.
I may never see him again! He already graduated so I won't see him around campus. What's a girl to do? I WANT to give him my phone number and stalk him on facebook and send him a message and invite him to hang out sometime.
BUT I CAN'T.
Why? Because I'm the girl. Because I want a man who is a leader. Because I don't want to be the one who takes charge all the time. If he really really liked me he would have done something like found me on facebook (not hard to do because he knows where I go to school and some other friends sat with us who are friends in common so all he has to do is look at their pages and find me...I'm the only person in the whole world with my name...) He could have said "I hope to see you next time." Or "Yeah let's dance again next time." Or anything. But he didn't.
I'm so sick of this waiting game.
Ah, JJ... I am still a nerdy geeky boy, and can very painfully remember situations like that. In fact, Susie looks at me (with relative frequency) after I've done or said something and just exclaims GEEK! In a very loud voice.
ReplyDeleteYet somehow I found Susie. And managed to make her think I am adorable as well. Your man is out there, and God will find a way to get the two of you in the same place at the same time.
JJ, I'm a great believer in fate. What's for you won't go by you and all that jazz. Sometimes when you stop focusing on something so much, this is when things seem to happen. Your time will come :)
ReplyDeleteDee x
Hey there I just stumbled upon your blog, I like it your posts!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of everyone around you coupling up can be frustrating! I was one of those girls who was a total wallflower and never got noticed in high school, barely even a flirt. I thought there was no hope! But in college, when I was least expecting it, someone came along. I know it's frustrating to hear that but I'm sure you'll find someone, you're young! Actually, most of my college friends are still single and love it that way, there aren't rules as to when you have to find someone :) These days, many people don't get married until their late 20s.
AHH I'm sorry I'm so bad about replying to comments!
ReplyDeleteMM - awww I <3 Geeks!! :) I'm so glad you have each other!
Dee - Thanks! I wish he would hurry the crap up!! :)
Riley - Thanks!! :) I never got noticed in high school at all either - the boys weren't even friends with me! I kept thinking my knight in shining armor would be here at college but I'm almost done and he has yet to appear! Thanks for the encouragement! :)
JJ--One thought--were you absolutely clear to show that you liked him? What did you do to make that obvious? Guys want to go out with girls who like them and are excited to be with them.
ReplyDeleteJust because you felt you would want to out with him doesn't mean he got the message. He could be totally embarrassed about the awkward dancing.
Your goal should be to eliminate all doubt--repeatedly.
Some ideas: Ask him lots of questions about himself and compliment him for whatever you genuinely find worth complimenting. Find common interests and tout them. Smile. Move around a bit and adjust your hair, your necklace, your clothes, etc. Move closer to him physically.
You could even specifically say, "I had a lot of fun tonight. I'd love to get together another time. If you want to look me up, here's my phone number." Do this with eye contact, smiling, and genuine interest. Bonus points if you can touch his hand or shoulder or something while doing this.
While dating, I asked a lot of girls out, and totally believe that is the Boys' responsibility. But girls who specifically said they had a good time and would like to get together again, I would generally ask out again.
Others, I sometimes wondered if they were just being nice to put up with me.
You can do a lot of things to show you like a guy without actually taking over the leadership role in the relationship.