One of my good friends just got engaged last night. I'm happy for her really. They had been dating for two years and he's an awesome guy and they are perfect for each other.
I'm happy for her. I am.
But it hurts me a little bit. Or a lot. I just want a boyfriend and everyone else is around me is getting MARRIED and HAVING CHILDREN already! And I don't even have any prospects. No one texting me or asking me out on dates or even on the market! Not a single one! I am sitting in church - a friend on each side of me all cuddled up and holding hands with their wonderful fiancé's, whispering silly things to them and giggling, asking questions about the sermon, wearing their jackets...I'm cold! I want someone's jacket! I want someone's hand to hold. I want to share my thoughts about the sermon. I want someone. I want him to be here. Now. I don't want to wait anymore.
I don't think my husband is here, at my university. I am moving across the country after graduation so I've been thinking that he's there - on the other side of the country waiting for me. But I don't graduate for awhile. And I don't want to wait that long. I can't. It's too lonely. It's hurts too much. My heart aches. Everyone in my life - my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, brothers, they were all married with kids already by my age. All of them. They were already working on their lives. But I have such a late start. My kids won't even have anyone to play with because everyone else's kids will be teenagers by then. No one will even be excited about my wedding by the time it's here because they will all be planning baby showers and kindergarten graduations.
God is my HOH. He hears my concerns and takes them in to consideration but He makes the final decision. But I would do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING for Him to change His mind and make the man of my dreams to be here now. I can't handle this.