Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Submissive Wife Kit for Christmas

None of my family or friends know that I am wanting to practice DD in my future marriage, BUT I have changed a lot of my ideas about what I want and I've been pretty verbal about it...and they've definitely noticed!! For Christmas I was showered with things to compliment my new future lifestyle :)

We had Christmas at my Aunt's house and I hadn't asked for anything this year so I didn't know what to expect. First gift was from my cousin:

She made me a SUPER cute apron!

(Really good for cooking my hubby wonderful dinners!!)

I didn't really think anything could top that. Next two gifts were from my two best friends! New knitting needles and books!

I love knitting!! And now I can make better scarves for my hubby and kids for the winter!! :)

Next gift was from my Aunt. She can be a little eccentric at times so I just smile and say thanks but this year she said she "heard about my new interest in cooking and thought this would be good."

New kitchen utensils!! Including - YEP - wooden spoons and spatulas! :) 

Perfect for - well you know. :)

Best. Christmas. Ever.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

DD and Distancing

(Side note: I wanted to name this blog post "DD, Distancing, Death, the 4 D's and Damn that's a lot of D's" but I felt that wasn't really setting the mood I wanted to for this post...but I thought I'd share anyways just to lighten it up :) )
After reading Sara's Blog, I began to reflect more on my biggest fear concerning DD relationships and my future.
I suppose, from what I've observed, DD's biggest help is also it's biggest "flaw" - if you can call it that. In a DD relationship you become dependent on each other. (Well no duh! It's a marriage, you are going to be dependent on each other anyways.) But DD is different. It opens the heart to even deeper trust and dependence beyond what a regular relationship does. 
I was thinking about it the other day - what if something DID happen to someone's spouse? God forbid it, seriously, I would certainly pray that none of us ever have to suffer that! But we are in this crazy thing called life and awful, terrible things do happen all the time to good people. So what would one do? After years of training and practice from DD to not do things on your own, to not put up walls, to not be independent and then BAM you are forced into a place where you HAVE to do all those things? I know myself and I know I would never recover.
Putting up walls, or being "Tough Girl" (Copyright Stormy - minus the obstinate part) is our human mind's way of trying to survive. It's a survival technique that single parents and single women have to learn in order to get by. They tell themselves they don't need someone else in order to get things done in life. So what is one to do when learning over and over to not do those things and then what if one was put in a situation where they must? It scares me to even think about it. I mean I still cry over broken friendships with people I wasn't even that close to!
And PLEASE take everything I say with a grain of salt because I realize I have no idea what I'm talking about since I am speaking from an unmarried, never-been-in-a-dd-relationship opinion. I know things look different from the outside looking in.
But I suppose, as it stands right now, I just want a DD relationship to be for me and my husband to get along better. I see young women ALL THE TIME who scream at their husbands, belittle them, nag them, and I just don't want that to be me. I don't want a marriage where people look at us and whisper "Sheesh! I'd hate to have to be stuck with her!" I want DD in place to keep my attitude in check, to keep us talking nice to each other, because I know how easily I take over control in all my relationships and I don't want that for my marriage.
But as far as this "distancing" thing goes - well, I just don't know how much I want that to be a punishable offense in my marriage. Distancing is like a really big thing around here - it truly is the 5th "D" (Another copyright by Stormy) in the D's of Domestic Discipline. It's an issue I've read about on blog after blog so obviously it's a big deal. 
And don't get me wrong, I understand how distancing is a problem in a marriage, and I can see how it can get in the way of being close to each other, but I guess I don't want to be in a place where I could not survive without my HOH because in all seriousness - things do happen and I wouldn't want to stop living life at age 30 because something happened to my perfect husband. Does anyone know what I mean?

I don't know. After re-reading this, I guess maybe that defeats the whole purpose of DD? I am not saying I don't want to "need" him or be dependent on him. I already know I need a husband and I already know I will be dependent on him, but I guess I'm just saying I want to know how to mow the lawn and pay the bills just in case, ya know? Is that wrong? 

I'm sorry if this post was depressing or disrupting to anyone - I really didn't mean it that way at all. It was just some thoughts/concerns/fears I had lately and I wanted to share. 
What are your thoughts? Am I completely missing the point?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

When You Can't See His Hand, Trust His Heart

Sometimes I do bad things. And I don't mean to. I really am a good person and I want so badly to be a good girl but I have these friends...and I want them to think I am cool (what is this Jr. High?!) and so I often get myself in situations that I don't want to be in when I'm with them. It's never anything illegal or even anything most people consider really bad, but it's bad for me because it's not who I want to be.

I want someone else to help me. I feel like if I had someone else -  a husband - things like this would be easier. I KNOW marriage has it's own struggles and it's not all hunky dory and it takes work, yes yes I know I know. I'm not saying if I got married my life would be perfect and all my problems would fade away in to the highland midst - I know that's not true at all. I just think it would be EASIER to deal with these struggles about making good choices and I just think it would be a little bit easier in my walk with God.

I know I am not supposed to be dependant on someone else to make me who I want to be and I need to work on those things now – I know that and I try. But it's really hard.

If I had someone here who says "You aren't going to a bar with your friends tonight because we are going to watch a movie together!" It would be SO easy to not go to the bar. If I had someone here who said "Let's read our Bible together." It would be so much easier to read my Bible. If I had someone here to go get the car when it's pouring at WalMart and I have $750239 worth of groceries in my hand  - well...it would be easier to get to the car. :) You get the idea.

I’m just saying I think it would be easier to make good choices if I had someone else here too. I hate being all alone. I have lots of great friends (way better then those stupid ones that always get me in trouble) but it's not like they can really HELP me be who I want to be. It's hard to trust God when I feel like I am ready and His time table isn't matching mine.

I went to Sunday School last week and the teacher said “When you cannot see God’s hand, trust His heart.” And then he looked DIRECTLY at me and repeated it. “When you cannot see God’s hand, trust his heart.” (Get it?!? Hand?!? Spank!? Anyone?? Anyone?)

I cannot see God’s literal physical hand. 

But I must learn to trust His heart.

And know that He is in charge. And that He is my HOH for now. And He will decide when is best to bring a human HOH into my life.