Friday, April 20, 2012

That Boy Part 2/Why I Need Boundaries

I've run into that BOY some more in the past few days and it made me think that maybe....I sorta kinda a little bit maybe like him. But don't tell anyone!


I guess maybe I like him a little more then I let on or else I wouldn't have written a whole post about him. I don't know what it is. I don't WANT to like him, but something about him is just a little irresistible.


I was eating lunch with a group of my friends and he was there. I had eaten a lot and still had a bunch of french fries on my plate but I am really obsessive about calories and so I didn't want to eat them. I pushed my plate back and said "Don't let me eat any more of these!"


That BOY took my plate and said "if you reach over here for them, I will slap your hand!" I laughed and said okay. He looked at me across the table and said "No I'm serious. I will slap it really hard. I don't hit girls unless they ask me to."


OH MY GOSH.




THAT.




BOY.






He is such a spanko and he doesn't even know it!!










The only problem is...I don't trust him. I know trust comes in time after getting to know someone, but I just think that this boy has anger issues and I guess to be honest, maybe he scares me just a little tiny bit. I think it's more then him being naturally dominant, I think he has abusive tendencies. I know he has some issues from his childhood and I know he's overly aggressive. Part of it is just who he is, but part of it I think is issues he needs to work through. And that's one reason why I want to stay away from him even though he has some good qualities.


I liked what he said at the table. It was cute. I believed that he would slap my hand and I did not test him. Had a million other friends not been there, I might have, just for fun.


It's a turn on for me to have someone be so strong. It really is. I want someone to lead me, which is actually kinda hard to do.


Here's something you guys may not know about me and actually would probably never guess reading this blog. I have something called "spunk." I am a leader. I stand up for things. I have NO PROBLEM telling someone what I think. I am the girl who will tell the waiter to take the food back if it's wrong and I'm the girl who will raise my hand and tell my college professor that I completely disagree with him. It's not necessarily a bad thing but I can be extremely disrespectful when I don't get my way. I have gumption and therefore people often work with me and just let me get my way anyways. I know that sounds so spoiled and I don't mean for it to sound like that, it's just that its how things have worked thus far. It's actually a great thing because it's the main quality necessary for the dream job I want and so I believe it will get me far but it does cause a problem sometimes in relationships. My friends get tired of arguing with me because I am more stubborn than them and so they just give in. I want someone who won't get tired of it and won't just give in.


Both my parents were just so soft-spoken and quiet and I was the one who would say "this is how it's going to be!" and they would let me! It was bad. That's how I ended up so insecure because I didn't have boundaries or structure or rules to follow growing up. I never had chores. I never got grounded. I just basically did what I wanted. And while to some, this may sound like the epitome of the best teenage life ever, it wasn't. I WANTED rules. I WANTED my parents to tell me no. I would push issues just to see if they would tell me no and they wouldn't.


Anyways, my point in saying all this is that I need a man who can really tell me no. I picture someone like Stormy's ogre. Someone who is just naturally dominant and not afraid to say what he wants. I need someone with as much gumption as me. And honestly, in today's world, thats hard to find.


So back to this BOY. He has more gumption than me. But he also has some anger issues and I suppose I would be afraid that if we were ever in a relationship that maybe he wouldn't listen to me if he got mad. HECK I might not even have to tell him about DD, I'm pretty sure he would just haul off and spank me anyways because he is very aggressive like that. I would be a little bit afraid. And that's not what I want.


There's a difference between respect and fear. A big difference. And what I feel for him is not quite respect.


I just want someone like him, but better. I don't want someone abusive or someone who yells all the time or anything like that. Just someone with more gumption than me.


Man I have issues!! ugg! I hate feeling this way! Anyways, I just wanted to write it out here because I can't really share it with anyone else.


He has a girlfriend so this is all just a moot point I guess.


(Funny story - I used to think it was "mute" point because I thought that's what people were saying instead of moot. I have since been corrected. HA! And to think I am going to grad school! bahaha!)

14 comments:

  1. Very interesting JJ. Obviously some caution is in order though. ;)

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    1. Thanks! And thanks for the comment :)

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  2. How do you know he's a spanko and doesn't know it? He might be very aware of it and just looking for someone to spank lol.

    Anyway, I think you've got a good head on your shoulders. Good luck!

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    1. haha he might be! I always find it hard to doubt that anyone else in the whole world "knows" about spanking. Thank you! :)

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  3. First of all, it would be "HAUL off", and not "hall off", and a "MOOT point" instead of a "mute point". Spell checkers do NOT rule. But I digress.

    Anger is a very tricky thing. And although the feeling of physical danger is something you need to listen very closely to, if you've never truly been disciplined before ANY discipline will likely seem scary at the beginning.

    Susie, like you, is a handful OUTSIDE the home. Before we met, she had attained a very high position in her organization, one of the first women to be at that level. Also like you, she wanted more. She knew she needed a man that wouldn't take any of her guff, that would stand up to her, and say "no" when necessary.

    I am not a "dominant" man. No person in his or her right mind would ever call me and Alpha Male. But I don't need to be... all I need to do is be a leader to Susie and our family. I don't dominate her, I lead her.

    All this is to say your eventual Prince Charming doesn't have to be aggressive, dominant, forceful, or any of those other things. He just has to know (and I mean KNOW) that he is the leader of your household, and that you will submit to him when it comes to that. Susie doesn't always submit to me immediately, much more frequently it takes a little staredown or a few words that she understands mean just a little more than what they say... no physical domination required.

    We're praying for you!

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  4. HAHAHAHA Well I am double majoring but I will be happy to tell you that English is not one of my majors!! :) tehe!

    Yeah I agree about maybe I'm scared of all of it. I think he scares me all around because I just know he's stronger than me. (Obviously physically - that's not hard to do but also mentally and emotionally!) I don't know why, I just want someone who can "rule the world" and be an Alpha Male. That's so sexy to me! Maybe I'm just silly and I don't know what I want!

    Thanks for your comment! :)

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    1. My sweetie is a cheeky monkey! He's right of course.

      I think it takes time to really figure out what we want. I wouldn't do well with an alpha male. We'd eat each other alive. I think I actually do better with someone who has to work at leading, b/c I have to work at submitting. We both work hard to do our part, outside of our own comfort zones.

      You will figure it out. The hard part is making all those good decisions in the interim.

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    2. He sure is!
      That's an interesting thing to think about - the roles being hard for both of you. I hadn't thought about that! :)

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  5. Stormy's Ogre? What's that? Sounds scary! ;)

    I think this guy caught your interest, not because he's the man for you..but because he's the closest to what your imagination has told you that you want. And let's face it, a bad boy who's a bit scary can be thrilling. Especially from afar! LOL.

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    1. haha - well he is yours right?! ;)

      Yes I think you are right, he's intriguing at least. I am always one to chase a thrill and sometimes that gets me in trouble!! lol :)

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  6. I think Stormys comment has hit the nail on the head. I totally understand your attraction to 'bad boys' but I've found, over my many years lol, that there is a huge difference between those boys and boys who are capable of leading and loving at the same time. Trust your instincts.

    Dee x

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    1. I agree! Bad boys are fun! If only I could find one who's only sort of "bad" but not really! lol! Thank you for your input and your comment! :)

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  7. I would agree with the above comments. While an HOH is certainly what you're looking for, there's a lot more to being an HOH than being an alpha male. I would look first for someone you can trust, have open communication with, who's going to love you enough to sacrifice for you, and who is emotionally mature enough to lead you. That's what you really want. While me and my man are very new to DD, I would have never in a million years thought he'd consider this kind of relationship. While he is a strong man, he isn't exactly an "alpha male" type. That being said, he was all of those other things and that's why I knew he was capable and why he ultimately said yes to the idea even though it's somewhat outside of his comfort zone. I guess what I'm trying to say in this extremely long comment is that an HOH sometimes comes in cleverly disguised packaging so just be aware of that :) All in all, it sounds like you have a lot of foresight and discernment to be able to seperate your feelings from what is maybe the best choice for you.

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    1. Thanks for your great advice! I really do appreciate it!! :) I will try to be aware of "cleverly disguised packaging"!!! haha!

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