So there's this boy.
I don't like anything about him. He's rude, he's immature, he's stuck-up and conceited, he's not a good Christian, I cannot STAND his family, he's not going anywhere in life, he hangs out with bad people, his laugh is annoying, AND he's not very attractive.
But there's one tiny little quality about him that I like. He's a man. Not just like any man - I mean he's an HOH man. He makes decisions and is firm and people listen to him. He's actually one of my good friend's brother so I see him quite often and when he comes over we always joke together. He'll say rude things on purpose to get my feathers ruffled because he thinks it's funny, I'll refuse to talk to him anymore, (see how mature college kids are?) and then he always makes me hug him or talk to him again. He'll say "Come over here and give me a hug right now!"
And I want to refuse. And believe me, I try. But he's soo...strong. And demanding. Not in a dangerous way, he wouldn't hurt me. But he always presents such a commanding presence that I can't help but hug him when he tells me I have to. One time I succeeded in not listening to him and I left the room. He followed me quickly and hug-attacked me and told me I have to listen to him when he tells me to hug him.
But, he seriously has the maturity of a twelve-year-old and I just can't deal with that. He could never sit and talk about political issues or be serious about a sad situation. And he's rude and selfish. He would never listen to me or try to care about the things that I care about, or let me express anything I am REALLY thinking. For him everything is funny or about him.
I want both. I want someone who is sweet and kind and tender and gentle, yet can be a man and take charge at the same time, ya know? I want someone to take care of me when I am sick and yet be firm with me when I am well. I want someone who could listen to me and my thoughts and ideas and not turn everything in to a joke.
And don't worry, I would never settle for this guy. But it is a thought that's crossed my mind before - IF he changed his whole life around and cleaned up real good I would certainly jump on that boat...but that is most likely not going to happen, so for now I have to just keep waiting. For a man who could somehow be this paradox!