It's a scary thing, sharing a blog like this with someone in the "outside world." Should you or should you not? It's like a flower with endless petals to pull off...I should...I should not!...I should!...I should NOT!
I have never shared my blog with anyone I know in real life. I have told one of my friends about DD and I gave her links to YOUR blogs but not mine. I assume she is smart enough to read the comments and find my blog if she really wanted to but I don't think she has yet.
Now I have been talking to someone else about marriage (but I didn't mention anything to her about DD) and wondering if I should share my blog with her. I told her I would send her the link. But now I want to chicken out...
Here's my story, tell me what you think.
One time when I was about thirteen I had a dream about this teacher that I liked spanking me. I really didn't understand it but I knew it was odd. I remember feeling alone and not really knowing what was going on with me. I knew I could never ever tell ANYONE something as crazy as that.
There was a girl about four or five years older than me, a mentor type, who went to the same church as I did and every once in awhile her and I would chat about things. I looked up to her (and I still do even though we don't talk much anymore) and I always wanted to know her opinions about boys and life. One time we were talking online and we began talking about sex. She mentioned spanking just briefly and then we both completely changed the subject.
I didn't know what to think. The first thing I felt was relieved - is this some sort of sexual thing that no one told me about? Why wasn't this in the American Girl body books? How come my mother never mentioned it?
I never did ask her about it but it always stuck in my mind that just maybe I wasn't so weird after all.
Well that girl went off to college and I ended up choosing the same college a few years later. She graduated from college the same time I graduated from high school so by the time I got here she was gone.
She is now very happily married with an adorable baby and I've often wondered about things...What could she have meant when she said that nine years ago? Does she know about DD? Is that why she is so happily married?
We never see each other anymore or talk except an occasional comment on facebook, but then the other day she just so happened to be back on campus for a little bit! We went out to eat and it was really nice to get caught up.
We talked a little bit about boys and marriage and I mentioned that I had a blog about marriage. I told her I would send her a link to my blog along with some other things we talked about.
I didn't tell her anything about DD and I guess I don't know why I want to show her my blog but I just do. I suppose just because I want her opinion on this whole thing. I want to know if she knows about it. I want to know if she thinks it's crazy! I want to know if there is anyone in real life (not that you all aren't amazing because you are!!) who could possibly understand?
I read over some of my old posts and they just feel so extremely personal. They are so much a part of who I am, but it's such a different part. A part I never share with anyone except Blogworld. Jokes that others wouldn't understand, stories that wouldn't make sense to outsiders, dreams and aspirations that other unknowing people would spit on. I love my blog and it might not be as active or in-depth as others but it's a wonderful, safe place for me to share my dreams and not feel stupid.
But even if I did share my blog with anyone...how do you explain DD in a post? How do you explain it in ten posts? It's so intricate, it's so complicated. There are so many questions. There are so many different pieces to explain. It's so easily misunderstood that only reading about it may make it seem so different from what it really is.
So what do you think? I should, I should not? Have you ever shared your blogs with outsiders? How did it turn out? Is it worth it?