Friday, October 12, 2012

Sharing My Blog With An Outsider

It's a scary thing, sharing a blog like this with someone in the "outside world." Should you or should you not? It's like a flower with endless petals to pull off...I should...I should not!...I should!...I should NOT!

I have never shared my blog with anyone I know in real life. I have told one of my friends about DD and I gave her links to YOUR blogs but not mine. I assume she is smart enough to read the comments and find my blog if she really wanted to but I don't think she has yet.

Now I have been talking to someone else about marriage (but I didn't mention anything to her about DD) and wondering if I should share my blog with her. I told her I would send her the link. But now I want to chicken out... 

Here's my story, tell me what you think.

One time when I was about thirteen I had a dream about this teacher that I liked spanking me. I really didn't understand it but I knew it was odd. I remember feeling alone and not really knowing what was going on with me. I knew I could never ever tell ANYONE something as crazy as that.

There was a girl about four or five years older than me, a mentor type, who went to the same church as I did and every once in awhile her and I would chat about things. I looked up to her (and I still do even though we don't talk much anymore) and I always wanted to know her opinions about boys and life. One time we were talking online and we began talking about sex. She mentioned spanking just briefly and then we both completely changed the subject.

I didn't know what to think. The first thing I felt was relieved - is this some sort of sexual thing that no one told me about? Why wasn't this in the American Girl body books? How come my mother never mentioned it? 

I never did ask her about it but it always stuck in my mind that just maybe I wasn't so weird after all.

Well that girl went off to college and I ended up choosing the same college a few years later. She graduated from college the same time I graduated from high school so by the time I got here she was gone.

She is now very happily married with an adorable baby and I've often wondered about things...What could she have meant when she said that nine years ago? Does she know about DD? Is that why she is so happily married?

We never see each other anymore or talk except an occasional comment on facebook, but then the other day she just so happened to be back on campus for a little bit! We went out to eat and it was really nice to get caught up. 

We talked a little bit about boys and marriage and I mentioned that I had a blog about marriage. I told her I would send her a link to my blog along with some other things we talked about.

I didn't tell her anything about DD and I guess I don't know why I want to show her my blog but I just do. I suppose just because I want her opinion on this whole thing. I want to know if she knows about it. I want to know if she thinks it's crazy! I want to know if there is anyone in real life (not that you all aren't amazing because you are!!) who could possibly understand?

I read over some of my old posts and they just feel so extremely personal. They are so much a part of who I am, but it's such a different part. A part I never share with anyone except Blogworld. Jokes that others wouldn't understand, stories that wouldn't make sense to outsiders, dreams and aspirations that other unknowing people would spit on. I love my blog and it might not be as active or in-depth as others but it's a wonderful, safe place for me to share my dreams and not feel stupid.

But even if I did share my blog with do you explain DD in a post? How do you explain it in ten posts? It's so intricate, it's so complicated. There are so many questions. There are so many different pieces to explain. It's so easily misunderstood that only reading about it may make it seem so different from what it really is. 

So what do you think? I should, I should not? Have you ever shared your blogs with outsiders? How did it turn out? Is it worth it?


  1. I've shared only with my husband. I've made some mistakes sharing my personal life with others before. I think it has to be a very carefully thought out decision. I wish you the best. Ask God for wisdom and decernment. God Bless You, Belle L.

    1. Thanks for your comment and well wishes! I still haven't decided but I guess I am leaning towards no now! :)

  2. Aww JJ - I've read this post, gone away, come back and re-read, gone away... Just keep circling around.

    I understand wanting a "real life" friend to sit down with and just talk things over without having to watch every word - I've had that in the past and it was wonderful. That being said, you know that my blog is "DD-extra lite" and I still don't share it with vanilla friends but that is my choice.

    I also understand that you have always looked up to your friend and since she is happily married and there was that one little reference to spanking you are hopeful that she could be that combination "real life + blogland" friend for you. Since you haven't really been in constant or even regular contact, you really don't "know" her anymore than she really "knows" you (even without DD).

    What you have to think long and hard about is how you would feel if she reacted negatively. How would a negative reaction impact your life? Not just your feelings, but would there be others involved?

    I would suggest you sit down and honestly imagine the "worst case" scenario. If you feel that you could not handle that at this time, then do not send her the link. Simply tell her that after some thought, you had decided that your blog was too personal to share at this point in your friendship. After that, make an effort to spend more time with her, maybe drop a few comments here and there. Spending more time with her will help you to possibly learn more about her thoughts and opinions and then you can re-evaluate.

    Only you can decide if your friendship is ready for this step. Sending prayers and lots of (((hugs))) your way.


    1. That is very true about my friend - I don't "know" her that well anymore but it would be nice to know a real life person that knew about DD. For some reason I don't see her reacting too negatively. Even if she didn't like it, didn't agree AND thought I was crazy I don't think she would sabotage my life or anything. She probably would just not bring it up again and since we don't really see each other but once every few years it wouldn't be a huge difference in my life. But your words are very wise and did make me think about if things did go extremely sour...

      I think for now I am not going to share it but it is still there in the back of my mind that I would like to.

      Thanks Cat for your extremely insightful and discerning comment!! :)

  3. JJ, what I read in this post is that this blog is like your Diary. You talk to the impersonal Blogworld like so many others talk to there 'Dear Friend' diary.
    Are you ready to share your diary with someone and still face up to that person, next time you see her?
    As I see it there are 2 possible outcomes: She likes it and wants to read or she doesn't like and doesn't read.
    When she doesn't read it, hardly anything changes, she won't put your blog in the college-newspaper, I hope. She is probably just not interested in that part of you.
    But what happens if she likes it and keeps reading, maybe commenting.
    Will that change YOU? Will you be able to see your readers as impersonal? Will you still be able to tell your most intimate thoughts? Are you going to have her in your mind when you write a post?
    Are you ready to talk to her about DD and your intimate feelings in real life? Is that maybe what you would like to do? Many people would like to have real life DD friends.
    Usually, having this secret together, connects people on a more intense level. Do you want that with her?
    I know of several persons who have shared there blog with other, even vanilla, people, and I have not noticed any difference in their writing. Some bloggers especially like that their blog is, through the connection with these real life persons, somewhat less a fantasyworld.
    So the real question is not how she reacts, but how it will impact on you.
    It's up to you! But remember: you cannot untell her.

    1. Yes this is my diary - exactly!! My friend is very mature and I couldn't ever see her going out of her way to hurt me or "out me" or my blog to others - I've never seen her act maliciously, it's just not who she is, so I'm not very worried about that part of it.

      You bring up a very interesting point that I had not thought of about my blogging in the future being different. In my mind I only thought she would read my blog but I didn't realize she would keep reading and the possible impact that could have on my future writing! I do think it might change my writing a bit...I would have to work hard at keeping that from happening

      It is not that I wanted to be more connected with her - we are not that close and even sharing this blog would not make us much closer I don't suspect. I just want to share it with her because maybe she would understand it. But maybe not.

      As of right now, I've decided to wait a little bit. Thank you so much for all of your insights and good thoughts!! You all have helped me think of many different aspects of this decision!! :D

  4. I too, understand the need to share and by doing so, normalize the feelings you have about DD and spanking. I don't want to give advice really, since it would just be my opinion, but if I was going to take the plunge and send the link, I would probably send the link to this post and let her discover the rest. That way she sees how much of a risk it is and what it means to you that she "approves". At least, if she doesn't approve, she's not someone you see regularly these days. Good luck in what you decide!

    1. Thanks Christina - if I do end up sending it to her in the next few weeks it will definitely be a link to this post. :) Thanks for understanding!!!

  5. I would be cautious about doing this. I have shared my blog with one real life friend and it did not go as I expected. Nothing awful happened, but I just thought it would turn out differently. I understand the need to want to share. I am sure you will get many opinions and in the end only you can decide, but it takes a village. So, read the replies, listen to that small voice/gut feeling, and then make your choice after wise counsel and thoughts. Hugs.

    1. I'm sorry you had that bad experience SNP :( Thanks for sharing with me your thoughts! I have decided that I might still share it with her but I am going to wait a little bit. Maybe test the waters first with another subject if I see her again or something! :)

  6. Not sure what to add JJ, but please be really careful.

    1. Thanks Susie!! You are always so caring and sweet!! I have decided to hold off for a bit. I might still send it to her later but for right now I'm not going to. :)

  7. I think what Bas said - You can't untell her - is what you need to think about. Also, what another commenter said about how you would feel if you got a really negative reaction. Unfortunately, people tend to have a very knee-jerk reaction when it comes to things like the concept of male headship and even more so the idea of physical punishment within the context of a relationship. It feels "normal" to us because it is something we want and/or need. But so many others perceive those things as inherently abusive and telling someone in your real life about your desire might make them worry for you and maybe even question your sanity! On the other hand, with the popularity of Fifty Shades, spanking has become somewhat more mainstream, and more acceptable as a sexual "kink". I realize that your spanking interest goes beyond your sexuality, but if you really feel the need to share this part of you with your friend maybe you could test the waters a little by getting her take on that book and asking how she reacts to a Christian Grey type man. It's just an idea. I've used that book to bring up the topic and put out feelers for people's attitudes regarding spanking within relationships. Personally, I've told very few people that I get spanked for discipline, but the people I have told have responded positively. They know I am not being abused, that it is consensual and that I am better for it. I was nervous to tell them, but I'm glad that I did because I was tired of hiding that very important part of myself and my life. I thought I remembered reading that you told your mom about your desire to find a husband who will spank you a while back. That was very brave and it seems you did not regret doing so, but felt better for sharing this with her. Sorry this is so long, but when I read your post I really related to your struggle and your feelings of isolation because of your big secret. I won't pretend to have the answer. Only I know that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting a HOH that will hold you accountable with spankings. I hope you know that too! Good luck, JJ.

    1. Hello Gwen. Yes it's true - always easier to not give information than to take it back! That is a very good idea about Fifty Shades though I doubt she has read it but I may try to bring it up the next time I see her! It is a bit different for me since I am not in a relationship yet, so she cannot see that my husband truly loves me and I am not being abused, etc. I think if she did find out she would probably worry a bit for me and my healthy relationship seeking but there is nothing I could do about that except answer any questions and assure her I know the difference between DD and abuse :)

      Thank you for your comment and your good thoughts!! :D

  8. I too wish I had someone to talk to IRL, but I don't think I could ever bring it up.. I have pondered it and then decided no.. but I have to wonder about some of my friends... it would see SO like them to be in a DD relationship.
    I think I need a support group.. LOL

    1. It is a difficult subject to bring up!!! I totally know what you mean about seeing your friends in a DD relationship! ME TOO! I have some cranky friends sometimes! :D

  9. I want my guardian angel to be a strong manly presence in my life, to have charge over me, take me in hand, hold me accountable, lovingly protect, direct, and correct me.
    I want him to appear as a stern Russian jet fighter pilot with a commanding military presence named Captain Grigori Nikolaievich Valerian, affectionately nicknamed "Gogi".

  10. I would highly recommend chatting in person, or if that's impossible, at least talking on the phone in general. A good intro would just be for you to say you've noticed she seems really happily married, and you'd like to know why? What does she like about her husband and her relationship? How do they resolve differences?

    If she wants to share, she will, and then you can decide how much you feel you can share about your interests--verbally.

    Then, much later, if you decide you have some things in common and she can be trusted, you MIGHT consider sharing your full blog.

    1. Thanks Strong Man!! That is really good advice!! I think I decided that I am going to wait and talk to her in person! :) Thanks for the comment!! :D