Sunday, August 11, 2013

Running Away

Hi. It's me! Worst blogger EVER!

I don't even know what to say here anymore. I’m just not the same person I was when I started this blog almost two years ago. So much has happened and I just don't feel like I have that much to write about anymore.

I'm just too lonely. I'm beginning to feel like finding a relationship is not in the cards for me. I've stopped reading your blogs because to me it's just as dangerous as reading Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey. It's just a fantasy that isn't real, that isn't my life, and so why should I pretend?

I graduated college in May and since then I began to sink into a depression and feel very stuck. I began to feel like I was suffocating and like I was never going to be able to do anything important in my life. I love my mom and my town and all my friends there but I knew when my college began class again, that I would be depressed and wanting to go up there all the time.

So I did what any clear, level-headed, twenty-something year old girl would do. 

I packed up my car with all my belongings (full to the brim!) and I moved 794 miles away from home. I moved to a town much bigger than my own. I don't know anyone, I don't have a job, and I have never even been to this state before. I did find an apartment before I came but that was it. 

I just had to. I had to get away. I couldn't stay there anymore because I needed something else - I craved it from the very core of my being. I have to breathe. I need new people with new options and new perspectives and new faces. (And I need a job and money but that's not important haha)

I am at a quaint little cafe at the moment because I can't afford WIFI or TV or anything at my apartment yet. I'm barely going to be able to make rent and keep electricity on.

Even though I knew people in my hometown, I felt so lonely and so unable to meet new people. I've only been here for about three days so I haven't made new friends yet but I'm hoping to. I did try a new church this morning but it was full of young marrieds and I just didn't fit.

I'm praying every day, almost hourly, for some boy to just walk in. I don't know how I can make it any longer. My heart aches every moment. I want a family. I want a husband. I want to cook for someone. I want a place where I know I'm going to live and settle in for a few years instead of apartments that I keep living at temporarily. I want to hold someone's hand in church.

And if you're going to comment and tell me I won't live happily ever after once I meet someone, please don't. I KNOW that. I know it will be hard work. I know it's not perfect. Believe me, I get it. really. I also get that it's hard to be alone. It's hard to not have sex. It's hard to change tires, mow lawns, balance check books and sit in church by yourself. And I don't think I'm asking for too much.

I just want a husband who will love me and cherish me and be a Godly man. I don't think that's too much to ask, really I don't.


   I am in a new city. It's big. I don't know anyone. I am sitting alone at a coffee shop. (I'm the one with a bow in my hair). How about you come meet me now because that's how it works in every movie ever made. 



  1. JJ, I'm glad you are back. I am sorry you are feeling so alone. The good news is we never are alone, as you know.

    I want to be encouraging and tell you God has the perfect man waiting for you. It's possible. But, I can't tell you that because, I don't know that God has a husband in your future.

    I can tell you that God has a perfect plan for your future, Jeremiah 29:11 promises us that.

    We also know that he rewards our faithfulness. It is hard to stay pure and wait for HIM to show you His plan. But, if you continue to be faithful you will be rewarded abundantly.

    I have always admired you. I don't know if you remember me, but, I will continue to pray for you and your man.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement Pooky!! :) I appreciate your prayers so much!!!!!

  2. I've missed you, JJ. I'm glad you are blogging again. Please be careful in your new city!

    I rather envy you the excitement of a new adventure, a new place, the possibility of just about anything. My advice is to look for people who might need YOU, who may be lacking a friend and feeling the same.

    Life will unfold for you in surprising ways. Please bring us along? :)

    1. I've missed you Stormy so much!!! I cannot wait until the day I can sit down and read a year's worth of your blog! :D

      I promise I am being careful in my new city! I have made some good connections already and that is great advice about looking for others! :) Thanks for always giving me great advice and understanding me! You are my big sister/aunt :D

  3. You're back! I'm SO glad to see a post from you. I wondered, and worried, and worried some more. I miss your perspective. You have a lot of neat things to say, you have a unique point of view (that is not heard enough), and we all enjoy your blog.

    It is SO hard when things don't happen when we want. A friend of mine prayed for her husband (as in future husband, before they met) for so many years that she had begun to give up. They met and got married not even six months later...and now they have two children together. I don't mean boom it will happen for sure for you, but that things DO happen. Don't give up.

    And while you are waiting, be sure to take good care of yourself. You are not "just single." You are a child of God, important and of value just the way you are. You don't need a man in order to deserve love. A life partner will enrich your life, but he won't add to your value. Please love yourself and honor who you are, right now, and just the way you are! We sure do. :) I know it's hard when mainstream society is hard on single people, but there are plenty of single people who are good, worthy contributing citizens of society.

    Good luck as you build your new life. It won't be easy, and for sure you will experience loneliness in the transition, but the risks you are taking now will pay off in self-confidence and a broader mind. Yay for you.

    P.S. Most McDonald's have free wi-fi. ;)

    Anastasia Vitsky

    1. Thanks Anastasia! I always appreciate your kind words about my blog! I'm not giving up yet - it just gets harder as I get older! I understand what you are saying about value - thank you so much for the much-needed reminder!!!

      Yes I have used Mickey D's wi-fi many times already! :D

  4. Glad to see you back. Please don't give up on blogging. As Stormy said, bring us along! I know life will soon unfold for you. It's so hard living on your own. I too moved out and on by myself. I lived in a single flat and couldn't afford TV.. It's very lonely, but do try to find yourself first before finding a man. I hated when people told me that I had to stop looking before it would happen, but it turned out that I in fact did meet someone when I least expected it! Here I had put all his mental effort into finding mr. right and he snuck up on me! It took a failed relationship and having a child at 21 to being a single mom and doing it all on my own to finally find the right path.
    Everyone has a story and I think yours is just beginning!
    I second what Anastasia Vitsky says about loving yourself and honor who you are. I never fully grasp that until almost too late. Hang in there! and yes! McD's has free wifi and so do many other public places. Keep on the look out.

    Take care,

    -Emi J

    1. Hi Emi!! I won't give up on blogging! Yes it's lonely at times but the adventure aspect of it hasn't worn off yet! :)

  5. Hi, I echo what everyone has said. I know that it is important to look inside and love ourselves. That is when the window opens. I married much older. I certainly wanted a husband and family from an early age. However there came a point when I stopped looking and tried to just be who I was at that moment. Lo and behold I met my husband.
    You are just beginning your life! Enjoy every single moment. Life has a way of working out the way it is supposed to. There must be important things for you to do before you settle down with a husband and family. Make friends cook for and nurture them!

    1. Hi Minelle! Thanks for the kind words! I always appreciate encouragement from others who were married late as well! :)

  6. Hi there :)

    I have never commented on your blog....but I have been here reading for quite some time :) I just wanted to chime in...and agree with the smart ladies before me here....your life is beginning to unfold...please try to enjoy now....I am sure wonderful things are ready to unfold for you. It does sounds so cliche, but it seems when we quit searching so hard for what we tends to happen. You are, I am sure, a beautiful young lady, who has so much to offer. Embrace this time of your life.....and please...allow us to come along for the ride.


    1. Hi Lucy!! Thanks for the comment!!! I am going to do my best to bring you all along my adventure :)