Have you ever seen the movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin? If you have not YOU NEED TO SEE IT! It is THE BEST presentation about marriages, parenting, children and life! It is so honest and raw and it really has a lot to say if you pay attention. It really is a must see for any person who has kids, wants kids, works with kids, or knows kids. I am not kidding - all of you go watch it RIGHT NOW! It is SUCH A GREAT MOVIE!
We are required to watch it and write about it for one of my marriage and family classes in college and I just love it. Go see it and tell me what you think! (*Side note: It may not be something you would want your children to see depending on how young they are.)
So now that I've convinced you to go see it - I wanted to ask a little discussion question. You don't have to have seen the movie to answer! I want anyone's opinion regardless of where you stand in life at the moment, whether you have kids or not.
The movie is made up of about four or five marriages (or lack thereof) and how they work or don't work. One of the major sturggles I see in marriages all around me and portrayed in this movie is the idea that one of the parent's relationship with their children interferes with the marriage relationship. One parent will spend the majority of their time, money, and energy with the kids; making over-protective parents who cling to their kids more than anything, or who are trying to work with their kids to create some sort of prodigy.
I try to be careful about saying what I do because of privacy but all through college I have worked at a government agency with foster kids. I love each and every one of them dearly and I would take them all home in a heartbeat. Their stories are devastating and they make me bawl! "Mommy wanted to be with daddy even though he was sexually abusing me." and "Mommy wanted to be with her boyfriend because he has drugs for her and I don't." This is obviously representative of the other side of the spectrum. Children whose parents do not have a regard at all for their well-being and chose their other relationships over that of their children.
Awhile back on Stormy's blog, she posted in response to a question I had asked:
"The kids aren't all that curious when we go out [to the shed], because they are used to us just wanting to spend time together. They are used to us going on short walks together (we both love being outside) . We are teaching them that moms and dads like to be together, we are friends, we want to be alone sometimes. Each night we have a time together, sitting and talking about the day, and they are not allowed to interrupt us unless somebody is bleeding..or killing a sibling. I think its really important for children to know that couplehood is first, parenthood is second. Our relationship makes or breaks the family unit."
That answer just totally blew me away because I had never heard anyone say that before! Most people (in my unhealthy family circle) will admit that their kids are more important because they are "only in the house a little while before they are all grown up" or they will just say basically the kids are on their own and they don't care.
So what do you guys think? Is marriage first? If so, how do you make that clear to your children? Of course there are times when you have to put your children first (when they broke their arm and you need to take them to the hospital instead of making dinner for your dear HOH, etc.) So I guess my main question is how do you find that balance? Is this a discussion you and your husband have ever had to have? How does this influence DD?
You don't have to answer all of these questions but I would love to read all of your in-depth, rambling opinions!! :)
P.S. Go watch the movie! I beg of you!!
The movie is made up of about four or five marriages (or lack thereof) and how they work or don't work. One of the major sturggles I see in marriages all around me and portrayed in this movie is the idea that one of the parent's relationship with their children interferes with the marriage relationship. One parent will spend the majority of their time, money, and energy with the kids; making over-protective parents who cling to their kids more than anything, or who are trying to work with their kids to create some sort of prodigy.
I try to be careful about saying what I do because of privacy but all through college I have worked at a government agency with foster kids. I love each and every one of them dearly and I would take them all home in a heartbeat. Their stories are devastating and they make me bawl! "Mommy wanted to be with daddy even though he was sexually abusing me." and "Mommy wanted to be with her boyfriend because he has drugs for her and I don't." This is obviously representative of the other side of the spectrum. Children whose parents do not have a regard at all for their well-being and chose their other relationships over that of their children.
Awhile back on Stormy's blog, she posted in response to a question I had asked:
"The kids aren't all that curious when we go out [to the shed], because they are used to us just wanting to spend time together. They are used to us going on short walks together (we both love being outside) . We are teaching them that moms and dads like to be together, we are friends, we want to be alone sometimes. Each night we have a time together, sitting and talking about the day, and they are not allowed to interrupt us unless somebody is bleeding..or killing a sibling. I think its really important for children to know that couplehood is first, parenthood is second. Our relationship makes or breaks the family unit."
That answer just totally blew me away because I had never heard anyone say that before! Most people (in my unhealthy family circle) will admit that their kids are more important because they are "only in the house a little while before they are all grown up" or they will just say basically the kids are on their own and they don't care.
So what do you guys think? Is marriage first? If so, how do you make that clear to your children? Of course there are times when you have to put your children first (when they broke their arm and you need to take them to the hospital instead of making dinner for your dear HOH, etc.) So I guess my main question is how do you find that balance? Is this a discussion you and your husband have ever had to have? How does this influence DD?
You don't have to answer all of these questions but I would love to read all of your in-depth, rambling opinions!! :)
P.S. Go watch the movie! I beg of you!!
