Monday, November 28, 2011

Question Tuesday with JJ #1

I have an idea!! **Jumps up and down** I have some questions I've been thinking about over the past few weeks and I think my blog is a good way to ask them rather then asking each one of you! So, in copying Bonnie's "Sunday Brunch" idea I think I want to have a "Question Tuesday with JJ" or something like that. Maybe I'll try to think of a more creative title though. (Ug! College has sucked up all my creative juices lately!)

I can't promise I'll have a question every week but maybe every other week. And I think I'll eventually run out of questions and that's okay too.

So here's my first one. And yes, I realize today is Monday but I don't care :)

       What’s your opinion on beginning a marriage with DD already involved? If you could go back would you have begun DD sooner? Do you think it takes the hard times to make DD "make sense" or be worth it?

  If I were to meet Mr. Right tomorrow, I assume we would get married within two years give or take, so I would be about twenty-three. How would things have been different for you and your marriage if you had begun DD at age twenty-three? Or even just right away when you were married? 

This may sound weird but I'm nervous about beginning my marriage with DD. I have heard/read several of your blogs that say "This was us before DD and this is us after." Well what if there is no before? How would we know how much it does for us and how helpful it is?

Sorry if that was too many questions! :) I really respect all of you and I am so excited to hear your opinions and wise insight!


  1. DD husbands are in fact biblical

  2. I think that's a great idea...and I'll be back later to answer your questions...gotta work!

  3. HI JJ,

    As we've begun to think about bringing DD into our marriage, I've realized that the only thing that makes it possible for me is the fact that having been married to my husband for three years, I now know that I can trust him completely, more than anyone else in the world.

    We were married when I was not quite twenty, and had only dated for not quite a year, and while I trusted him then, that complete element of trust that grows in a relationship after you've seen your spouse at his best and his worst and learned just how much and deeply he loves you and wants your best, just isn't there at the beginning.

    I know that for me, it wouldn't have been possible. I checked with the church to make sure that obey wasn't in the marriage vows...


  4. JJ,

    Great idea..

    For me personally, it would have never worked. I had no desire to submit or obey. Love, yes..but the way. Still, I married a very dominant man who was basically in charge- I just happened to fight him each step of the way. It took a lot of time, a lot of pain, a lot of banging our heads against the wall before realizing what didn't work. We loved each other like crazy but it wasn't enough.

    If we had started our marriage with this lifestyle, we would have probably split at some point. I was too independent and stubborn (still am..too much) and had not developed the deep kind of agape love that desired to give and be selfless. I also didn't have the trust in him as my leader that is definitely necessary for this lifestyle to flourish and progress.

    For naturally submissive women, it might be simpler and I can't speak for them. But for me I know I had to grow into it.


  5. hey...... i will try to answer to the best of my ability. and these opinions im giving are coming from the perpective of a christian male who knows the NT very well and owns over 100 christian rock cds :)

    first...... incorporating dd at the beginning of your marriage is definetly better than doing it down the road. If you read the testimonies of these bloggers , nearly all of em say that they were headed for divorce after years of trying to work on their relationships , and finally dd saved them. so starting out from a solid dd standpoint is definetly preferable to not doing so. Besides you csn always ease into it. There is no law that states that you must have 100 rules memorized and have been spanked and grounded on your very first day of marriage :) and you , knowing what you want at the age of 21 , have a HUGE advantage over so many others , even if it takes considerable time to reach your goals.

    now , as a christian who knows the NT pretty well , i see nothing forbidding the practice of DD before marriage. So go ahead..... its ok for your boyfriend to spank you :). Alot of christians may disagree with me on this , but there is nothing in scripture to back up their opinions. and at the end of the day , you and i both know that it is the opinion of scripture that matters , not the opinion of any majority , be that majority in a church or anywhere else.

    But if youre uncomfortable with spanking before marriage , your man can always incorporate other punishments in practicing the lifestyle til your wedding day ( corner time , grounding ect..... ). and remember he can always spank you with your clothes on. i mean with all your clothes on. :)

    hope this helps

  6. Well, we certainly didn't start our marriage off with DD. We'd never heard of it then actually. But, we did try it on for size many years ago. We didn't make a commitment to it though and we found it took more than we were really willing to give. And truthfully, I don't think we understood it, what it should be, what it could be, not really. So, for us I think DD was something that we had to grow into.

    Do I wish that we'd started off this way? I honestly don't know. I'm just happy for the journey we're on together now. ;)

  7. JJ,
    It's a tough question to answer because each of us women are so different. I am not naturally submissive and while my husband and I talked about Dd before we got married, we didn't follow up on it. While there is part of me that wishes that we had tried it at the beginning, I honestly think that we needed to go through the struggles that we did in order to realize what we needed. We also had to grow in our trust and respect for one another. You must truly KNOW the man who you give this much responsibility and authority to. Being older, we know ourselves well...Dd as a game is unlikely to happen in our relationship.

    That said, you seem to know what you want and there are some young couples out there who practice this. I'm sure it's entirely possible that you could begin a marriage based on this lifestyle. Why not? But, you will have lots of hurdles, just different ones from the rest of us. It will be fun to watch your journey.

    BTW, I have some info for you. Send me an e-mail sometime if you'd like and I'll send you a link to some folks you might want to get to know.

  8. Hi JJ,

    I wouldn't describe our relationship as domestic discipline, though my husband is definitely the one in charge. A lot has changed in the the thirty years that we've been married, but our roles inside the relationship remain basically the same. So I guess I am someone who can say there was no "before" in our marriage.

    I would not have wanted to begin this lifestyle later. In fact, I wish we had the internet back then so we didn't have to learn everything the hard way (ouch!).


  9. WOW! Thank you guys SO much!! I am so happy with all the responses! :)

    Josh - while I will agree that DD is not UNBiblical, I cannot agree that DD is biblical. I know the Bible very well and there are no verses that say thou shalt spank thy wife. :) I do not have a boyfriend at all and when I do, I do not believe we will practice DD in any form before marriage simply because of the emotional connection that I would not recover from were we to break up. Thank you so much for your opinion and I appreciate your advice! :)

    Lizzy! Thanks for sharing! That's kind of what I was afraid of that maybe we wouldn't be ready right off. But that's not the worst thing in the world and I suppose I will take that as it comes!

    YAY Stormy!! Thanks for your comment! :D It might be a little bit different for me because I think I am a tad bit more naturally submissive then you ;) but you gave me some good things to think about! Thanks!

    Grace - thanks! I just found your blog and I will read up on it! Thanks for sharing your journey!

    Susie - Thanks for the encouragement! I realize it may bring different struggles but I suppose when I have him here we will work through it together. And I will email you when I'm done with this comment! :)

    Bonnie - Thanks for sharing! I am glad there was no "before" in your marriage too, even though your lifestyle is a bit different. Maybe we are the lucky ones going in knowing what we want? And yes - learning the "HARD" way - ouch! ;)

  10. If you want an HOH, I think you are better off marrying one to begin with. But you're apparently only 21. You've got a lot of life to live. Don't worry about getting married now. Try to have all kinds of experiences before you settle down. Do things like traveling now. I have a daughter who is getting married at 37. Time is on your side.

    And when did you first realize you wanted an HOH?