Saturday, December 3, 2011

When You Can't See His Hand, Trust His Heart

Sometimes I do bad things. And I don't mean to. I really am a good person and I want so badly to be a good girl but I have these friends...and I want them to think I am cool (what is this Jr. High?!) and so I often get myself in situations that I don't want to be in when I'm with them. It's never anything illegal or even anything most people consider really bad, but it's bad for me because it's not who I want to be.

I want someone else to help me. I feel like if I had someone else -  a husband - things like this would be easier. I KNOW marriage has it's own struggles and it's not all hunky dory and it takes work, yes yes I know I know. I'm not saying if I got married my life would be perfect and all my problems would fade away in to the highland midst - I know that's not true at all. I just think it would be EASIER to deal with these struggles about making good choices and I just think it would be a little bit easier in my walk with God.

I know I am not supposed to be dependant on someone else to make me who I want to be and I need to work on those things now – I know that and I try. But it's really hard.

If I had someone here who says "You aren't going to a bar with your friends tonight because we are going to watch a movie together!" It would be SO easy to not go to the bar. If I had someone here who said "Let's read our Bible together." It would be so much easier to read my Bible. If I had someone here to go get the car when it's pouring at WalMart and I have $750239 worth of groceries in my hand  - would be easier to get to the car. :) You get the idea.

I’m just saying I think it would be easier to make good choices if I had someone else here too. I hate being all alone. I have lots of great friends (way better then those stupid ones that always get me in trouble) but it's not like they can really HELP me be who I want to be. It's hard to trust God when I feel like I am ready and His time table isn't matching mine.

I went to Sunday School last week and the teacher said “When you cannot see God’s hand, trust His heart.” And then he looked DIRECTLY at me and repeated it. “When you cannot see God’s hand, trust his heart.” (Get it?!? Hand?!? Spank!? Anyone?? Anyone?)

I cannot see God’s literal physical hand. 

But I must learn to trust His heart.

And know that He is in charge. And that He is my HOH for now. And He will decide when is best to bring a human HOH into my life.


  1. JJ, this is really sweet! Yes, trust God's heart and hold his hand. I do know that you can't totally depend on friends for any sense of accountability but something that has always helped me are small groups. My husband and I are part of one now. When the power is out the people in that group are the first ones we think of to call and ask for a bed. When we are struggling with something those are the folks we share it with, in person, over coffee or dinner. In my last job when I was single I was in such a pressure cooker that I could have done some very stupid things. Instead, I was part of a small group of handpicked women who were also in positions of leadership. We made a commitment to each other to be there during hard times (and tempting times) and to be absolutely honest with each other when we saw each other taking even one step in the wrong direction. Those women are the ones who flew across the country for my wedding and years later they are still the ones I can call in the middle of the night if I am in need. It's easy to find a small group through your church but it's hard to put one together where you will honestly do that for one another. It takes a big risk and some serious minded gals. It's an awesome thing...think about it...and where you can most easily make it happen. Could be at school too.

    Another idea is to find a mentor--an older woman at your church or even one of your profs. Someone you really look up to and ask her if you can meet her for coffee every week or every other week. Be real with her. It's different from a parent/kid relationship...much more like a friendship with someone who has a bit more experience under their belt.

    Goodness, I sure am bossy aren't I? I'm not sure why...I think you remind me a bit of me when I was your age. Of course, I didn't have a clue about this wanting a HOH thing. It was very repressed...but the other stuff and struggles of life I recognize.

    I'll stop moving my fingers on the keyboard now. Thank you for reading all the way to the end of this endless bossy comment!

  2. Susie gave you some great advice. As you wait and hope for your HOH to arrive, try to find a support group or try to find friends you can count on. Good luck.


  3. Susie - THANK YOU! That is very good advice. I am actually at a new church right now and trying to find some good places to get involved. They have some small groups and so I think I will try that and I bet I can find a good support group there! Since I posted this I have spoken to some close friends of mine and told them about my struggles with the not-so-good friends and they all assured me that if ever I am in a situation where I don't want to go somewhere or be a part of what these bad friends are doing I can go hang out with them so that I am too"busy!"

    And no you are not bossy! You are great! I love the big sister/mentor advice! That's why I'm here! :) Please don't stop giving my your great knowledge!!

    Florida - Thank you! And I will try to wait patiently! hehe!

    Stormy - Thanks! :) I love yours too!!