(Side note: I wanted to name this blog post "DD, Distancing, Death, the 4 D's and Damn that's a lot of D's" but I felt that wasn't really setting the mood I wanted to for this post...but I thought I'd share anyways just to lighten it up :) )
After reading Sara's Blog, I began to reflect more on my biggest fear concerning DD relationships and my future.
I suppose, from what I've observed, DD's biggest help is also it's biggest "flaw" - if you can call it that. In a DD relationship you become dependent on each other. (Well no duh! It's a marriage, you are going to be dependent on each other anyways.) But DD is different. It opens the heart to even deeper trust and dependence beyond what a regular relationship does.
I was thinking about it the other day - what if something DID happen to someone's spouse? God forbid it, seriously, I would certainly pray that none of us ever have to suffer that! But we are in this crazy thing called life and awful, terrible things do happen all the time to good people. So what would one do? After years of training and practice from DD to not do things on your own, to not put up walls, to not be independent and then BAM you are forced into a place where you HAVE to do all those things? I know myself and I know I would never recover.
Putting up walls, or being "Tough Girl" (Copyright Stormy - minus the obstinate part) is our human mind's way of trying to survive. It's a survival technique that single parents and single women have to learn in order to get by. They tell themselves they don't need someone else in order to get things done in life. So what is one to do when learning over and over to not do those things and then what if one was put in a situation where they must? It scares me to even think about it. I mean I still cry over broken friendships with people I wasn't even that close to!
And PLEASE take everything I say with a grain of salt because I realize I have no idea what I'm talking about since I am speaking from an unmarried, never-been-in-a-dd-relationship opinion. I know things look different from the outside looking in.
But I suppose, as it stands right now, I just want a DD relationship to be for me and my husband to get along better. I see young women ALL THE TIME who scream at their husbands, belittle them, nag them, and I just don't want that to be me. I don't want a marriage where people look at us and whisper "Sheesh! I'd hate to have to be stuck with her!" I want DD in place to keep my attitude in check, to keep us talking nice to each other, because I know how easily I take over control in all my relationships and I don't want that for my marriage.
But as far as this "distancing" thing goes - well, I just don't know how much I want that to be a punishable offense in my marriage. Distancing is like a really big thing around here - it truly is the 5th "D" (Another copyright by Stormy) in the D's of Domestic Discipline. It's an issue I've read about on blog after blog so obviously it's a big deal.
And don't get me wrong, I understand how distancing is a problem in a marriage, and I can see how it can get in the way of being close to each other, but I guess I don't want to be in a place where I could not survive without my HOH because in all seriousness - things do happen and I wouldn't want to stop living life at age 30 because something happened to my perfect husband. Does anyone know what I mean?
I don't know. After re-reading this, I guess maybe that defeats the whole purpose of DD? I am not saying I don't want to "need" him or be dependent on him. I already know I need a husband and I already know I will be dependent on him, but I guess I'm just saying I want to know how to mow the lawn and pay the bills just in case, ya know? Is that wrong?
I'm sorry if this post was depressing or disrupting to anyone - I really didn't mean it that way at all. It was just some thoughts/concerns/fears I had lately and I wanted to share.
What are your thoughts? Am I completely missing the point?