I think maybe this is borderline unhealthy for me. "This" being this blog, my obsession with this lifestyle, etc. I don't think it's unhealthy to practice DD - I just think it may be unhealthy for me, as a single person, to be so consumed with it.
It's like an obsession to find my husband. Where is he? Could that be him?? Or maybe that one? What will it be like? All of it - what will it be like when we go out on dates? When he kisses me? When we get engaged? Will I cry? What about when we get married? What will my wedding look like? What will sex be like? What will our marriage be like? Will he agree to this lifestyle or will he think I'm nuts? What would a spanking be like? Will I cry? Will I be mad at him or would it really help us? What would it feel like to be held and cared for so deeply?
It's consuming. I can't help it. It fills my thoughts almost every day. So I started to consider how I might change this pattern if it were, in fact, unhealthy for me.
I came to the conclusion that I am not any more consumed with DD or a husband right now then I was before starting this blog - because honestly - I thought about all of those questions JUST AS MUCH before this blog. And if I were to delete it I believe I would still think those same things just as much as I do now. So I don't think the blog is causing the possibly unhealthy consuming thoughts. It's just me...
And don't misunderstand - it's not that I am sitting home twiddling my thumbs hoping some prince will knock on my door. Nope. I am super involved in my school - double-majoring, student government, meetings literally every single night, study groups, leadership teams, ministry groups, extra-curricular activities, part time job, social clubs. Plus I volunteer weekly for a cause I really truly care about. I am already making plans for after graduation - applying to grad school and planning on moving across the country to pursue my biggest career dream. I am not just sitting home waiting for some man to come along. Honestly if he walked in right now I might not have time for him! hahaha! Yet - between all these things I have going - I still manage to find times to feel just a little bit lonely. I still find times to wonder where he is - or if he's even out there? I mean no one told me I was going to get married. It's not a guarantee that there is someone for me. What if I just end up an old lady with cats??
My friends tell me I analyze things too much. Anyways - just some thoughts. Tell me your opinion - I love to hear them :)
Hi JJ,
ReplyDeleteI worry a lot more about friends who have no priorities. You know (more or less) who and what you seek. You have (more or less) a plan to move in that direction. I can't find fault with that.
Your life is important. It's worthwhile to take some time and invest some brainpower toward building the life you want. It's true for your career and equally true for your relationship.
Hugs,
Bonnie
Thanks! :) I do know what I want and I wish he would hurry the hell up!! :)
DeleteJJ
I agree with Bonnie. If you were pining away or trying to steel time for reading and researching...and dreaming that would be one thing. I would agree that this was unhealthy. But, it sounds like while you know what you want, you are busy and focusing on all the right things. It is wise to guard your heart as you don't know what the future holds and who God will bring to you. You could create expectations that nobody can live up to. It sounds to me like you are pretty balanced. Hope you have a good and busy week JJ.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit I do procrastinate at times and waste time reading other's blogs when I'm supposed to be studying...but I always end up getting my studying done eventually!! hehe!! :D And yes I manage to stay very busy - even on the weekends and supposed "school breaks"! Thanks for your encouragement!
DeleteWhen you first start out, you aren't even who you will be yet. You are apparently at an age where it is natural to think about what you want in the future. I believe that's one of the reasons high schools and colleges expect you to take courses other than what you are currently interested in. Sometimes you don't know exactly what you want until you been introduced to it. This is a time to plan your future, both in your career and in those things that don't have to do with your career. A time of working toward goals and sorting through all those things that attract your attention. A great time to practice making it a habit to do things to take care of yourself and your health, before you get involved in taking care of future children. If you don't make those habits, you will find it hard to make it a priority later. Personally, I think it's probably easier without someone else trying to change and guide them (which is sometimes the case when you are attached). Many young women change their education goals, their career goals, etc. so to hurry time along to get down the isle with someone they feel they love. Just think of yourself as becoming the person you are, and that future husband becoming who he is. I got married at 19 years old, and I am soooo not the same person that I was. Life experiences change attitudes, etc. Pray that God is helping your future husband to become the life mate that he has planned for you, and that he will help you be the woman that your future husband needs also. Spend this time learning what you need to learn about your career, about managing money, and anything you think would make you able to manage your life. It sounds like that is exactly what you are doing. Most men are not looking for a "needy" person. Knowing what you want is NOT being "needy"... actually it's being confident. I know you probably think life is passing you by, while younger people are connecting, getting married, having babies. Look at the statistics of how many of them will end up single parents, who can not afford to go back to get the education they need to persue their careers. It's amazing how old we thought we were, when we were really so young. How a few years seemed like forever when we were in college. It really isn't. It is however, really important years. Stop looking, just be yourself, (BECOME yourself), and your prince WILL come, and he will find his princess. You will be more prepared to recognize him, and him, you. God Bless you and guide you, -Belle L
ReplyDeleteYes I feel VERY old right now because so many people younger then me are getting married and having kids - but I am hoping the rewards will be there - that I will be able to have a career and opportunities that they don't have. I keep thinking surely some guy involved in one of the things I am will just look over and notice me but so far all of them are taken or very "lower quality" men. Thank you so much for your encouragement - I only wish God's timing and mine were the same sometimes! :)
DeleteJJ,
ReplyDeleteWell in between all of your worthy activities, you have a little time to think. To me you are very healthy, because you are choosing to ponder your future..the things and issues that really matter! The only time I'd worry is when those thoughts end up making you feel unhappy or hopeless. So examine that carefully.
Truth is you aren't just living for the moment, you are wise and you are looking ahead.
For a moment imagine your husband and what HE might be spending time thinking about. Wouldn't you like to think that he is planning his role, wondering what kind of husband he will be, and developing his leadership qualities?
I'm confident that you are doing some valuable brain-work, which can only benefit you overall.
Stormy