Friday, March 2, 2012

Mom, I Want A Husband Who Spanks Me

Yep. I said that. Want to see what my mom looked like??








She doesn't freak out about much and she didn't "freak out" but she did ask a lot of questions. She was thoughtful and more then a little bit concerned.


It all started because she was noting how my relationship with God has changed so much in the past few months. I used to be really angry with God for a lot of things in my life, I was really not respectful, I would yell at Him all the time for making things in my life not work out and I would criticize His timing, His plans, and I told Him all the time that I could do it better. It was like a bad marriage. It's comical to me, even now typing this that I say God and I were headed for the end of the road when I decided to start viewing Him as my HOH. That concept revolutionized the way I related to Him in every area. When I started to think of things like God gently correcting me because He loves me and wants to protect me, I stopped getting so angry when I got caught doing bad things. When I started submitting to His leadership, life just worked a whole lot easier.



My mom noticed a big difference in my life, how church suddenly became important and how I stopped hanging out with some friends who weren't so great for me. When she asked me why the change, I started to try to explain it to her but I couldn't explain properly without just telling her the whole shabang. My mom and I really tell each other EVERYTHING so I'm kind of surprised I kept this from her for so long in the first place. I felt that she would find out eventually and it seemed like a good time to tell her. She had lots of questions...

"So is this just like a sexual thing?"

"No. Of course there's sexual aspects to it, but it's not about sex. It's not a game. It's a serious way to help remind me to be respectful and to help my husband be the leader."

She was quiet for a little bit and then she said "I just don't want you to be abused. I think it could very easily become abuse! How do you know the line?"



I assured her there IS a definite line and I DEFINITELY know where it is. I told her he's not allowed to hit me anywhere else on my body and it's not just something for him to do when he's angry. It's a shared agreement and it's consensual. Abuse isn't consensual. Abuse causes harm and discord and hurt, DD doesn't do any of those things. I tried to explain this all to her very delicately, and she listened but she still seemed concerned.


A few minutes later she said "Do you think a man would ever really do that lovingly? Men are very controlling and power hungry and you give them a little bit of control and it could be scary." (See where I get my unhealthy view of men?! No wonder!! SHEESH!)


"Yes mom there are lots of really good Christian men who do this and they are very sweet and loving! I promise!"


"Have you ever met any couples that practice this?"


"Umm...well....not in person!" We kind of started talking about other things and then at the very end of the conversation she said


"Just please be careful."


"I will mom." :)


So that's it. Mom knows now. And we probably won't talk about it again for at least ten more years!

13 comments:

  1. Crazy! I can't believe you told your Mom. Wow. I sort of wish I could do that, but not really. Then she would KNOW!
    I'm glad that you can talk about everything with her. Funny though, how we can get unhealthy views of men from our mothers, eh?

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    1. :) Yes my mom is very wonderful but I can't help but notice all the little jabs towards men she puts in!! And now she KNOWS! hehe :) She will probably forget about it by the time I get married...

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  2. Oh wow! How brave!! I cannot imagine telling my mum anything like this, she just would NEVER even try to pretend to 'get it'. I think it's great that you are this close to yours to be able to confide in her.

    Dee x

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    1. Thanks! I knew she would be able to handle it and I knew it would come up eventually so I figured I should just go ahead with it :)

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  3. Your mom's comment:

    "Do you think a man would ever really do that lovingly? Men are very controlling and power hungry and you give them a little bit of control and it could be scary." (See where I get my unhealthy view of men?! No wonder!! SHEESH!)

    It's not as alarming as you'd think. My husband thinks about this much more often than I realize. He's always wondering about what is loving and what might cross the line. There IS a great deal of power given to a husband when Dd is practiced. A wise one has to grapple with this and always guard himself.

    I'm amazed you told her...good for you! I think it's also going to be great in that when you meet your HoH, you've got someone who will be looking out for you and LOL...a mom will find any little fault in a daughter's new boyfriend. It sounds like you are close though and it'll be good.

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    1. Yes I agree it is a real issue - I feel like my mom thinks there are only two types of men though: soft-spoken, quiet sweet, gentle and humble men who let everyone walk all over them or huge-ego, power hungry, abusive and controlling men. I was trying to tell her there is a happy medium. I bet it is a hard balance though especially in a relationship dynamic such as DD.

      Haha yes IF I ever meet him!! haha where the heck is he?!

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  4. I could never do this. My mom and I were very close, and I miss her. She lives in heaven now. She was always easy to talk to, and there have been times that the overwhelming urge to tell her everything came back to haunt me. Although we couldn't be loved by anyone else more, her children (and grandchldren) learned the hard way...Our dear sweet mother couldn't keep a secret to save her life!! If I had ever told her, the whole world would know, and now all of heaven would too! Good luck on your search, but I'm with your mom: "Be Careful". You see well-meaning people, even if they are good as gold can't always be trusted to keep your secrets. Although I wish it didn't take so long to let my husband in on my thoughts, I think it should be something that is told to someone you really know well enough... someone that won't tell heaven and earth if things don't work out between you. I'm glad to hear that your relationship with God is getting better and better. We all are suppose to renew our relationship with Him daily, and it's not always easy. I pray that He will bless you and give you the desires of your heart, and like we all need, a dose of wisdom when it comes to those desires. God Bless You and the man you someday with love and trust, Belle L.

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    1. awww I'm sure your mom looks down and giggles at your relationship now! :)

      Yes I will be careful. I would never tell anyone who I wasn't sure could handle it and I don't plan on mentioning this slight little detail to my future husband until we are at least engaged. It's not something I plan on bringing up anytime in the first few dates...hehe :D

      And yes God has helped me so much lately - things are just so much easier when I started submitting to him! Thanks so much for the sweet comment and for the prayers - I NEED THEM!!!

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  5. What? You told your MOM? Have you lost your mind??? Okay, now that that's out of my system. Um, wow. I would not tell my mom. I could go as far as explaining the dynamic of the relationship, but I'd have to stop short before saying anything about the discipline aspect. I have no idea how that would go over and I have no desire to find out. I think it would possibly just create tension where previously there hadn't been any. But, this is not about me, is it? Nope, it's about you. And if you're comfortable enough to share with your mom, well, I think that's great. ;)

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    1. LOL I knew someone would say that!! Well I tried to just explain the dynamic of the relationship but she kept saying "that would never work" and so I felt I had to give more details! :D

      And yes I only told her because I knew she could handle it - I certainly wouldn't want to tell anyone where it would just create problems! :)

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  6. Wow! I have thought about telling my mom..we are very close- but I chicken out. You are brave, and I think you explained it very well. I bet you will talk about it again, and in less than ten years :)

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    1. You should tell you mom! :) (Well only if you think you should - you know her better then me!) And I hope we do talk about it again - it was a little awkward though!

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