Lonely

One of my good friends just got engaged last night. I'm happy for her really. They had been dating for two years and he's an awesome guy and they are perfect for each other.


I'm happy for her. I am.


But it hurts me a little bit. Or a lot. I just want a boyfriend and everyone else is around me is getting MARRIED and HAVING CHILDREN already! And I don't even have any prospects. No one texting me or asking me out on dates or even on the market! Not a single one! I am sitting in church - a friend on each side of me all cuddled up and holding hands with their wonderful fiancé's, whispering silly things to them and giggling, asking questions about the sermon, wearing their jackets...I'm cold! I want someone's jacket! I want someone's hand to hold. I want to share my thoughts about the sermon. I want someone. I want him to be here. Now. I don't want to wait anymore. 


I don't think my husband is here, at my university. I am moving across the country after graduation so I've been thinking that he's there - on the other side of the country waiting for me. But I don't graduate for awhile. And I don't want to wait that long. I can't. It's too lonely. It's hurts too much. My heart aches. Everyone in my life - my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, brothers, they were all married with kids already by my age. All of them. They were already working on their lives. But I have such a late start. My kids won't even have anyone to play with because everyone else's kids will be teenagers by then. No one will even be excited about my wedding by the time it's here because they will all be planning baby showers and kindergarten graduations.


God is my HOH. He hears my concerns and takes them in to consideration but He makes the final decision. But I would do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING for Him to change His mind and make the man of my dreams to be here now. I can't handle this.


It's lonely.

Someday I'll Tell the Secret

I had dinner with a friend of mine the other day. I should say mentor - she's about twenty years my senior and she is much more of a mentor type person. She used to be my Sunday school teacher when I was very little and she has grown to be a very close friend of the family. We hang out like we are "friends" - but it's usually just me spilling my guts about my life and she listens and gives advice.

We hadn't seen each other in several months and we made arrangements to get together this past week. We went out to eat and she was asking me about my plans and of course a husband came up because that's something I always mention in my hopefully near future. We hadn't seen each other in over six months so she was unaware of my recent decision to want an HOH and be a submissive wife. :)

She laughed when I told her I want my man to be the "head of the household". She literally got out her phone and recorded me saying that because she thinks I'll change my mind. Little does she know! hehe

She is very happily married and has been for several years (20? Maybe? Just a guess) and she agreed that submitting was the only way to make a marriage work well. Someone has to be the leader. You can't both lead. I agreed. She was very proud of my recent decision and she said that "Messing up that dynamic can be painful for your marriage relationship."

I laughed so hard!


I wanted to say "and your butt!" But I didn't.

She kept asking me what made me change my mind. What made me decide I wanted this type of relationship? I refused to tell her any details. I giggled and told her someday when I was happily married I would tell her. I kept shrugging it off as just a recent decision I had made but OF COURSE she won't let anything go! I just kept telling her I would tell her later...when she was older ;)


Finally when she really wouldn't let it go I just said I had read some things that, to me, romanticized the idea of the man being in charge and I decided I wanted that. Don't get me wrong - I understand (as much as I could without being there) that this isn't like happy-go-lucky easy breezy peachy keen lifestyle where everything is perfect. I know it's not romantic a lot of times. I know it's hard. Hard work. And not always fun. I get it. But it was basically what I could tell her that was truthful without a lot of details.

It's not like she would freak out. She wouldn't. She's very open-minded and understanding about everything and she would probably ask a lot of questions and then smile and say she thinks it's cool for me. She's like that. Always open to new ideas and pretty supportive of things once she researches them. I've told her things before that I thought would blow her away but she's pretty solid and knowledgeable.

I don't know why I just didn't want to tell her. It's not time yet ya know?

I think it's funny and maybe someday soon I'll be able to

Marriages in the Movies

Ever see marriages that could use a little...oh...um...how do I put this....DD?! I know DD is not for everyone and I of course wouldn't suggest everyone try it - but I do often see marriages that I just think need some...help.


 Ever heard of Good Luck Charlie? I, being a young college student, still like watching Disney channel and Good Luck Charlie is my favorite show as of late. I love observing the way people interact and the way the writers present certain issues. The marriage between the parents on this show is always hysterical and I love the things they go through together - but I would never want my marriage to be that way. Amy Duncan (the mom in the show) is completely in control and walks all over Bob and the kids not only encourage it but they become a part of it too.


This was the only clip I could find that semi-showed what I'm talking about. In most of the shows the mom is comically over-ruling and belittling  the dad - often in front of the kids and other friends.

I still love the show A LOT and I even laugh when the wife makes off-handed extremely disrespectful comments. But it does make me concerned about how often marriages are portrayed this way and how it is seen as so normal and so comical. Feeling disrespected isn't funny in real life.

Do you see shows like this or is it just me?? One of the best examples I can think of where I see what I would call a healthy marriage portrayed is in The Incredibles! They support each other in front of the kids and try to be kind and understanding of each other even when their family was going through a rough time.

What shows or movies do you see that either portray good marriages or not-so-good?